How to Express Love - Unconditionally

by Lester Rennard

Unconditional love! What does it mean? Is it possible for the likes of us mortals to express? If so, how can it be done? When I consider unconditional love, my definition is that it is an absolute love expressed unreservedly and without any condition or merit for that love whatsoever. If I keep true to my definition, I must confess that I do not believe that any mortal has the capacity to express a love that is absolute and for which the subject of that love has to meet no condition or merit to receive it.

I believe that God alone has the capacity to express or offer something that is absolute. In our fallen imperfect nature, we are limited in all our capacities and therefore cannot give what we do not have. Unconditional love is perfect love and because of its absolute nature it's beyond our capacity, as imperfect creatures, to offer. I concede however that those whose hearts are connected to the heart of Him who is Love are able to reflect dimly attributes of that love but not absolutely.

For those who might be very evangelistic about the human possibility of expressing this kind of love and are ready to take me on, please help me to find reconciliation with my human imperfection and thus my inability to humanly offer anything that is absolute and perfect.

My understanding of God's offer of unconditional love is that He loves us and accepts us based not on our response to Him but on the basis of who He is. He loves us unconditionally whether or not we choose to love Him in return. He causes His rain to fall upon the just as well as the unjust and condescended to sacrifice Himself for us while we were enemies lost and deceived by the devil. He does not require us to meet any condition for Him to love us or to qualify for His offer of grace. Our only effort is to accept, receive, embrace and appropriate His benefits to us.

I often counsel with couples who are having difficulties in their relationships. I have also seen other couples whose relationships seem to have been made in heaven. They are happy, contented, accepting of each other and very much in love. Nothing seems to be able to cause them to separate from each other, yet upon closer scrutiny, I have never seen one who can honestly and truly say that their love is absolute, perfect and unconditional for the other. There is always something that could cause the love to change such as continuous abuse, unrelenting infidelity, abandonment and continuous rejection. Such responses from us do not cause God to love us any less.

I am convicted that since unconditional love is an absolute love that is perfect, it is not required of us. What I believe is expected is for us to express the kind of love that is the highest to which we are humanly capable in our mortal state. A couple should mutually devote themselves to promoting what is best for each other in the most selfless way possible. As long as they remain mutually true to each other, their love will continue to be but a dim reflection of unconditional love.

The love of a good parent for a child may come the closest to the dim reflection of what constitutes unconditional love. The child may rebel and revolt and violate all the rules but yet that good parent though hurt, disappointed and angry, may still find love in his or her heart for that wayward child. The relationship may not be the same as if when a child is obedient and dutiful, but nonetheless they may still have some degree of love for their child despite its waywardness.

Copyright(c)2006 by Lester Rennard

How to Be Humble Without Proudly Displaying It

by Lester Rennard

Do you know someone who goes around actually bragging about his humility? Even if such a person does not verbalize his rise to the enviable status of humility, does he go about using passive aggressive means to draw attention to the idea that he is a humble person? Can one be really proud of his or her humility?

True humility is a virtue possessed by someone who has learned and accepted the truth about him/herself, has a correct appraisal of self, and has no desire to flaunt his/her achievements and accomplishments with a motive to appear better than others. The humble person does not compare self with others, knowing that there will always be others greater or lesser than he or she in regard to his or her accomplishments in life.

Humility does not preclude its possessor from pursuing excellence in order to provide much better service in his or her chosen field. If fact, since humility causes one to be outwardly focused on serving others rather than focusing on self, such an individual will always be seeking to acquire new skills, knowledge and equipment to excel in service. He or she will not seek to discriminate against others on the basis of their status in life but will always be accepting of everyone despite who they are.

The truly humble person will never be judgmental of others nor wasting precious energy assassinating and feeding on the carcases of victims. His or her humility provides a sense of security and therefore has no necessity to being an exhibitionist. Without any effort at displaying humility, this individual will be recognized and acknowledged as such by those who are touched by his or her life.

When acknowledged, complimented and affirmed by others, the humble person will graciously accept the accolade while making no attempts to downplay the basis upon which the compliment is given. He or she will not be trying to draw attention to the misguided idea that accepting compliments and appreciation for some well deserved act is a sign of pride and therefore to show humility, one should downplay his or her accomplishment when recognized and affirmed.

So how do you refrain from proudly displaying your humility? Do not focus your attention on either building yourself up or fostering a false attitude of self-deprecation. Be the best you can be in service to and in acceptance of your fellowmen and when you are recognized for your efforts and achievements, accept it enthusiastically and let the chips fall where they may.

How to Cope With Stress Without Being Stressed Out

by Lester Rennard

Stress, I believe, is one of the biggest issues of health, social and economic problems facing masses of people in mainly developed countries such as in North America and Europe. The conflicting demands that modern society continually places on people to achieve materially are taking their toll and in the aftermath, such health problems as hypertension, impaired immune systems, ulcers, heart disease, mental illness and a host of social and economic ills run rampant across the landscape of what superficially appears to be prosperity. Unable to cope, many people, behind the facade of expensive houses, cars and the latest gadgets, are silently breaking at the seams from the erosion that stress and the fast pace of life are causing to the fabric of their lives.

The consequences of individuals' inabilities to deal with the stresses of their daily lives often result in the destruction or breakdown in the quality of traditional family life, divorces, crime, juvenile delinquencies, murders, violence, suicide, diseases, depression and other ills too numerous to mention. It is impossible to totally avoid all the stresses of modern life. The goal for normal functional living is not to try to avoid all stress but to develop a proactive way of response to eliminate those that are unnecessary and to manage those that are unavoidable.

It must be understood that stress, itself, is not the primary problem. We are constantly faced with pressures and strains, worries and cares - how to make ends meet, pay the mortgage, car notes and other bills. When we are confronted with these pressures, events and demands, we are also faced with some choices. We may choose to accept the challenges they bring and find creative ways to positively address them for our benefit and advantage or we may choose to react and suffer negative consequences.

Whenever we react to these circumstances, called stressors, we allow them to take control and to dictate our frame of mind and attitudes. This psychological reactive response is what we call stress. The resulting stress, if not properly managed, has the power to break or destroy us. If we choose not to react but to be proactive in finding solutions, the potentially stress inducing circumstance looses its ability to cause us any distress.

As an illustration, one individual may experience the loss of his job. This loss of job becomes a potential stress inducing circumstance (stressor) that equates to a loss of income that further could translate into his inability to continue meeting his financial obligations and existing lifestyle. If this individual begins to worry about the negative fallout of not having a job and the income it produces, a process of stress begins that could lead to anxiety, ulcer, other health problems, relationship breakdown, among other things. One may, in the process, become so absorbed in worrying about the potential negative consequences of unemployment that he misses out on opportunities to regain employment and a regular income.

A positive and proper management of this stress inducing situation may involve a decision to resist any temptation to waste valuable energy in worrying, since it can never contribute to a solution. Instead of drowning oneself in a negative focus, the individual may use the opportunity to re-evaluate his resume, begin networking and applying for new employment opportunities. He may further begin a program of managing his available resources in an emergency mode to allow them to stretch to meet his obligations until he is once more able to earn an income. His perseverance, creativity and positive attitude may result in a new job that offers a better opportunity and income than the one he lost - his crisis transformed into a blessing.

We may eliminate some of the causes or stress inducing factors in our lives by choosing to simplify our lifestyles, avoiding the materialistic trap and to find contentment in living despite the vicissitudes of the modern life. To do so includes establishing priorities, setting realistic goals, avoiding unnecessary debts, living within ones means, avoiding overcommitment and overwork, learning to relax and getting adequate rest and sleep, managing resources properly, adopting a healthy diet and exercise, maintaining loving relationships and good support systems and having a healthy faith and trust in God and His promise to provide for our needs. There is also the need to take life but not oneself seriously and to cultivate a good sense of humor.

Talking about a sense of humor, I saw the following humorous statement posted in a business establishment and entitled "'Why Worry' - There is nothing to worry about except one thing, whether you're healthy or whether you're sick. If you're healthy, there is nothing to worry about; but if you're sick, there's only one thing to worry about, whether you'll recover or whether you'll die. If you'll recover, there is nothing to worry about; but if you'll die, there is only one thing to worry about, whether you'll go to heaven or whether you'll go to hell. If you'll go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about; but if you'll go to hell, you will be so busy shaking hands with friends that you won't have time to worry - so why worry?"

How to Be Perfect Without the Stigma of Perfectionism

by Lester Rennard

My definition for perfectionism is the obsession that some may have in striving for and expecting perfection in themselves and others and in the process ruin relationships, make themselves miserable and become a thorn in the flesh of normal people. Perfectionists are not happy people for they are constantly being reminded of their own imperfections that they refuse to accept and are driven in pursuit of that elusive human perfection that neither God nor man expects or requires of them.

If you must relate with someone who is a perfectionist such as a boss, close friend, family member, spouse or even you yourself, you can identify with the horror such a relationship brings. You know firsthand how difficult it is to please such an individual. They can not be satisfied with that which is good enough or even excellent if it falls short of what they consider to be perfect. For the boss, that project on which you worked so hard and for which you have received such glowing compliments from others, is just not good enough. If you were to base your self-worth on his or her appraisal of your effort, you would surface as a loser that just can not measure up.

A perfectionist spouse who has unrealistic expectations of the other can make the home life a small taste of what hell is like. For the home of the perfectionist, when one walks in, everything should be so meticulously arranged that it must appear that no one really lives there. The living room should appear as a showcase that no one really uses. The bedrooms should convey the picture that no one sleeps in them and towels so neatly arranged in the bathrooms as if no one uses them. Also consider that the bathroom mirrors at all times must be so spotless to give the impression that no image gets reflected in them. Not to mention the kitchen that is expected to have its stove, microwave, refrigerator and other appliances in better condition at all times than when they were bought new.

The truth is no one alive on this planet is perfect. The condition of our human nature is itself imperfect and therefore makes it impossible for us to have perfect thought or make perfect decisions that lead to perfect results. Our best and most noble option is to strive for excellence measured by our own individual knowledge, abilities, experiences, limitations, opportunities and other equipment rather than by standards set by others to which we cannot relate.

The pursuit for excellence means that one will pursue the truth while abhorring that which is false. There will be a commitment to moral excellence based on personal choices and a life lived according to the Golden Rule (doing for others as you would have them do for you, i.e. loving your neighbor as yourself). This pursuit for truth will lead you to understand and accept the fact that none of us is perfect and therefore it is foolish to expect of self and others what is not realistic. We must expect excellence from others based on their own resources for excellence but not perfection.

When we change our dispositions and start expecting and encouraging the pursuit for excellence in ourselves and others, we would then achieve a level of perfection without the stigma of perfectionism. Since we will be accepting the truth and truth in itself is perfect, we would begin to have within us the seed of perfection. For those who accept the teachings of the Christian faith, you may relate to this concept. The New Testament teaches that Jesus is the Truth and when one has this Truth who is perfect, dwelling within the soul, God regards such individual as perfect since he or she is covered by the righteousness of the perfect Truth.

The individual who pursues excellence and the truth is a happy and contented soul. He or she is the ideal spouse that is the envy of others. As a boss, such individual is the desire of every employee. This enlightened individual is a pleasure to relate to and a breath of fresh air. This indeed is the quality of a perfect person whose life of loving acceptance of others, the truth and the pursuit of excellence is perfection that magnetically attracts everyone and reinforces all the positive attributes of what life in this imperfect world was meant to be.

Copyright (c) 2006 by Lester Rennard

How to No Longer Be a Victim of Procrastination

by Lester Rennard

When I was a student in high school, I had a teacher whose favorite speech to us was, "procrastination is the thief of time; do not put off for tomorrow what you can do today". Many years later, today, I can almost hear her voice repeating those words. Strangely enough, I have forgotten who the teacher was, but yet can recall the words and even hear her voice in my head.

Why do so many of us choose to procrastinate and avoid doing the very things that are necessary to ensure our success in life? How does one break free from the shackles of procrastination in order to find freedom in doing now what needs to be done?

We procrastinate when we are not sure about ourselves, feel unprepared for the task at hand and do not feel fully equipped or empowered. A person who is a perfectionist and is idealistic can be the personification of gross procrastination. Such a person is always looking for the perfect timing, setting, circumstances, opportunities, knowledge, experience and method to do and accomplish what needs to be done now. Still others procrastinate because they find the task to be done not as pleasant as they would like it to be.

The truth is that if one is to experience any degree of success in life, he or she must learn how to have mastery over procrastination. When it becomes an automatic response to put off things until tomorrow, one must consciously question the reason for the need to procrastinate. Why will it be better tomorrow than today? What advantage will you have tomorrow that is not available today? What guarantee do you have that you will be around and available tomorrow to accomplish the task?

If the answers do not provide any benefits for postponing the task, it is imperative to break the habit of procrastination by doing it now. It is also important and necessary to consider that there is no perfect timing, circumstances, knowledge or conditions that govern when a task is accomplished. Since no one is perfect, there is no such thing as the perfect timing for which to wait.

When a task is to be accomplished, one is only expected to have the appropriate knowledge, experience, methodology, tools and opportunity to accomplish it. No one truly expects perfection. It is only required that it be done well according to ones best efforts and that it provides the benefits expected of the task.

So how does one break free from being a victim of procrastination. The answer: whatever you determine to do, if there is merit and you have the required preparation, experience and tools to do the job, do not put it off for tomorrow. Do It NOW!