Friday, December 08, 2006

The Greatest Gift A Girl Desires From Her Father

by Lester Rennard

It is believed that the relationship that exists between a father and a daughter has the power to influence the type and quality of relationship she will pursue when she's ready to choose a life's partner in the opposite sex. If this relationship is healthy and positive and serves to meet her emotional needs for affection, affirmation, support and trust, she is placed in a better position to later choose someone who possesses those same traits. If her relationship with her dad is one that is unhealthy, negative and speaks of abuse, she will likely be set up to attract men with abusive tendencies.

If the above claim is true, it behooves fathers to consider seriously the kind of relationship they have with their daughters and to give them a better chance of success in their later relationships with men, provide the best and most positive bonding relationships and memories for them. It is no doubt that father-daughter relationships are very special to a girl as she grows and matures and seeks to find her place in an increasingly cold and harsh world. Her perceptions of men will be influenced by her own experiences with her dad.

If a girl finds her dad to be affectionate and accepting of her and gives her positive attention, she will develop the attitude and expectation of not settling for anything less than positive attention from other males. She will not feel the need to cheapen and barter away her self-esteem and dignity to get the attention of men. The affirmation she is used to receiving from her dad will establish her personal value and whenever anyone else comes along with cheap words and ulterior motives in trying to get her attention for his own self-serving purposes, she will recognize him for what he really is and choose to avoid him.

A girl's level of trust in regard to her dealing with men will also be influenced by how much she was able to trust her dad. If he is trustworthy and dependable, she will seek for those qualities in the men that seek her attention and whenever they are absent, she will not be deceived by any smooth talk. If her experience were one in which she could not trust her dad, she would be confused as to how to trust other men. She may either become too naive and trusting of the wrong types of men thus making herself vulnerable and subject to be used and abused or she may develop the attitude of having zero trust in men in general which sets her up for perpetrating dysfunctional relationships.

The attitude her father has towards and the way he treats her mother, will have far reaching implications for a girl and her expectations of the type of attitude and treatment to expect of a future husband. If he consistently demonstrates love and caring attitudes toward her mother, she will evaluate men on the basis of how loving and caring they are toward her and will not be easily fooled by pretenders. If on the other hand, she is used to seeing her father showing less than tender regard for her mother, she may have difficulty knowing what to expect and how to evaluate men for the positive qualities of love and care that are so vital for any meaningful longterm relationship.

The greatest gift therefore, that a girl desires from her father is the gift of modeling to her the image and qualities of what constitutes positive maleness. He will best accomplish this by the positive healthy relationship of love, acceptance, affection and affirmation that he showers upon her and the love and caring attitudes he demonstrates toward her mother. A father who seeks to offer this greatest of all desirable gifts to his daughter will be helping to build her sense of security, self-worth, self-confidence and trust that will pay dividends, far above anything material, in any future relationship in which she may engage herself with the opposite sex. It will also reinforce within her a better appreciation for the spiritual relationship her heavenly Father wishes to offer and establish with her.

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