How to Be Perfect Without the Stigma of Perfectionism

by Lester Rennard

My definition for perfectionism is the obsession that some may have in striving for and expecting perfection in themselves and others and in the process ruin relationships, make themselves miserable and become a thorn in the flesh of normal people. Perfectionists are not happy people for they are constantly being reminded of their own imperfections that they refuse to accept and are driven in pursuit of that elusive human perfection that neither God nor man expects or requires of them.

If you must relate with someone who is a perfectionist such as a boss, close friend, family member, spouse or even you yourself, you can identify with the horror such a relationship brings. You know firsthand how difficult it is to please such an individual. They can not be satisfied with that which is good enough or even excellent if it falls short of what they consider to be perfect. For the boss, that project on which you worked so hard and for which you have received such glowing compliments from others, is just not good enough. If you were to base your self-worth on his or her appraisal of your effort, you would surface as a loser that just can not measure up.

A perfectionist spouse who has unrealistic expectations of the other can make the home life a small taste of what hell is like. For the home of the perfectionist, when one walks in, everything should be so meticulously arranged that it must appear that no one really lives there. The living room should appear as a showcase that no one really uses. The bedrooms should convey the picture that no one sleeps in them and towels so neatly arranged in the bathrooms as if no one uses them. Also consider that the bathroom mirrors at all times must be so spotless to give the impression that no image gets reflected in them. Not to mention the kitchen that is expected to have its stove, microwave, refrigerator and other appliances in better condition at all times than when they were bought new.

The truth is no one alive on this planet is perfect. The condition of our human nature is itself imperfect and therefore makes it impossible for us to have perfect thought or make perfect decisions that lead to perfect results. Our best and most noble option is to strive for excellence measured by our own individual knowledge, abilities, experiences, limitations, opportunities and other equipment rather than by standards set by others to which we cannot relate.

The pursuit for excellence means that one will pursue the truth while abhorring that which is false. There will be a commitment to moral excellence based on personal choices and a life lived according to the Golden Rule (doing for others as you would have them do for you, i.e. loving your neighbor as yourself). This pursuit for truth will lead you to understand and accept the fact that none of us is perfect and therefore it is foolish to expect of self and others what is not realistic. We must expect excellence from others based on their own resources for excellence but not perfection.

When we change our dispositions and start expecting and encouraging the pursuit for excellence in ourselves and others, we would then achieve a level of perfection without the stigma of perfectionism. Since we will be accepting the truth and truth in itself is perfect, we would begin to have within us the seed of perfection. For those who accept the teachings of the Christian faith, you may relate to this concept. The New Testament teaches that Jesus is the Truth and when one has this Truth who is perfect, dwelling within the soul, God regards such individual as perfect since he or she is covered by the righteousness of the perfect Truth.

The individual who pursues excellence and the truth is a happy and contented soul. He or she is the ideal spouse that is the envy of others. As a boss, such individual is the desire of every employee. This enlightened individual is a pleasure to relate to and a breath of fresh air. This indeed is the quality of a perfect person whose life of loving acceptance of others, the truth and the pursuit of excellence is perfection that magnetically attracts everyone and reinforces all the positive attributes of what life in this imperfect world was meant to be.

Copyright (c) 2006 by Lester Rennard