Have You Given Your Self-Esteem a Checkup Lately?

by Lester Rennard

You may have had your annual medical checkup recently but have you given your self-esteem a checkup lately? If you haven't, you may be in for a great surprise when you do. You know where to go for a medical checkup, but do you know where to go to get a checkup on your self-esteem? How will it fare with you?

To get a self-esteem checkup, one does not have to go too far or spend those hypertension inducing minutes or hours sitting in a waiting room, passing the time browsing through outdated magazines in which you have no real interest. You do not need to set an appointment. In fact, you might just need to walk across to your mirror and take a long deep look at yourself with the operative word being 'deep'. What do you see when you take that deep look, going beyond the surface to the innermost parts of your being?

What image of yourself do you conceive when observing the reflection of you in that mirror? Your self-esteem will be determined by that image you conceive of yourself and your direction and destiny will be influenced accordingly. If the image you see reflected in the mirror is negative and poor, your self-esteem will invariably be low producing symptoms such as pride at one extreme and self-depreciation at the other. If the image is a positive one, your self-esteem will be healthy producing the virtues of humility and self-acceptance.

When a person struggles with a low self-esteem, it is usually the result of a negative self-image. Your self-image is the concept of yourself based on the composite of what you accept and believe of what others think about you, your belief about what God thinks of you if you're spiritually inclined, your current status in life and the internal programs that constitute your operating system such as your life's experiences and exposures.

If you were always being told by others that you would amount to nothing in life and you believe it, you will lack the self-confidence life requires to persevere toward success and will accept yourself as a failure. If you had parents and guardians who were demanding, judgmental and hard to please, you may likely view God as not accepting of you and will always be insecure. If you experienced or were exposed to abusive situations such as emotional, physical, psychological or sexual abuse, you will most likely have a low value of your own self-worth.

An individual with a healthy self-esteem is one who has chosen to accept the truth about his or her reality. Such an individual accepts the fact of his or her own imperfection and refuses to internalize the negative opinions of others that do not confirm that reality. If this individual grew up with demanding and fastidious parents, he or she will choose to learn the independent truth about God from sources that are reliable and trustworthy rather than through a faulty parental mold. If abuse was suffered at the hands of others, the one with a healthy self-esteem will grow to accept the brokenness of the abusers that prompted their actions, choose to forgive and take back their lost value and self-worth.

The one with a healthy self-esteem neither sees him/herself as superior or inferior to anyone. He or she learns and models the value of perseverance, is self-confident yet humble, and goes through life seeing challenges as opportunities and is at peace with self and others. This individual chooses to dwell on the positive side of life while not denying the existence of negative forces at work.

As the Scripture teaches that as a man thinks in his heart so is he, the truth remains that your self-esteem is derived from your concept of your own self-worth. If you conceive yourself to be valuable, you will create value and refuse to acknowledge and admit any thought, habit, behavior or opinion of others that are not consistent with the image that you are choosing to create. You are what you think.

What to do When You are Falling in the Black Hole of Depression

by Lester Rennard

The poetic expression of a well known Psalm tells the story very well, "...though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,...". I believe that 'valley of the shadow of death' could very well be the black hole of depression that robs its victims of hope and leaves them in the dungeon of despair often questioning the value and purpose of their lives.

Depression is a common emotional low feeling that afflicts practically most of us at some points in our lives. It might range from just a mild feeling of being in the dumps to a more serious form of clinical depression that requires professional help for treatment. Whatever form depression may take in stalking its victim, it is a very unnerving experience that tries the soul and dampens the spirit.

For those who come face to face with depression, there is usually a desire to withdraw from life. It comes accompanied by a feeling that no one cares, that things and circumstances may never change and there is very little reason to continue the struggle. Succumbing to those feelings may plunge one into a state of despair and psychological paralysis in which the victim is being sabotaged by his or her own fears and often irrational perceptions of the reality of their circumstances.

It is helpful to consider, when facing a depression, that despite the feeling of being alone in your circumstances, you are truly not alone. You are not the only person faced with the circumstances to which you are reacting. The chances are great that your fears may never come to pass. There may very well be many others who care about you and are praying for you.

In the biblical Old Testament account of Elijah, he ran away out of fear after hearing the threat of Jezebel to take his life. He had accomplished a remarkable feat just a day before on Mt. Carmel that demonstrated who the true God is. Now he was fearful for his own life, began complaining that he was the only righteous one left who was standing faithful to God, and he wanted to die. One day he was on top of the mountain proclaiming God's supremacy, the next day he was in the deep valley feeling abandoned even by God Himself and wanting to just lie down and die.

In his depression, he was offered something nutritious to eat, water to drink and then encouraged to get some restful sleep. Upon waking up, he was again fed some more and then questioned as to what he was doing in 'the valley'. At his response of being the only righteous one left to defend the cause of God, he was told that there were seven thousand others who were maintaining their integrity and faithfulness and refusing to compromise their loyalty to God. He was therefore not alone and had no rational justification for succumbing to such a depression.

When faced with the temptation to despair and thus fall into the black hole, remind yourself that you are never alone and that many others are either facing or have endured similar circumstances and have overcome. As much as it may be difficult, try to maintain a positive outlook and avoid focusing attention on yourself and your difficulties. Eat nutritious meals, drink plenty of pure water and get adequate rest and sleep. Avoid alcoholic beverages, get some exercise and find someone else in difficulty and offer some encouragement.

Do not suffer in silence, share with someone who can offer encouragement and support and if your depression is clinical, get professional help. Your depression may be clinical if you are having difficulties controlling negative emotions, having suicidal feelings or having abnormal sleeping spells with little desire to wake up. Another sign suggesting the need for professional help is a loss of interest in the normal activities of your life. If you do not know where to find the appropriate help, talk with your doctor or spiritual leader who should arrange for such help or refer you appropriately. Refuse to lose hope, learn the lessons of faith and deep trust while in the valley, and the circumstances that cause your depression will pass.

How to Deal with Guilt

by Lester Rennard

There are countless individuals who go through life carrying with them a weighty baggage of guilt that constantly drains them of energy, zest and all reasons to continue living. They may have committed acts in the past for which they are now not proud and are unable to accept forgiveness or to forgive themselves. They feel undeserved of grace and are always beating upon themselves in an effort to punish themselves, thinking that by so doing they may feel some sense of worthiness that may earn them forgiveness. But the more they try to measure up, the more they see their imperfections and the less they see themselves meriting of forgiveness and the more intense their feelings of guilt.

If the cycle is not broken, many in despair are driven to depression and suicide. Others continue existing at less than their potential, becoming a burden to themselves, a pain to those with whom they interact and a liability to life itself. The more religious and ignorant of spiritual truths such individuals are, the more likely it is for them to struggle along under the weight of this burden called guilt.

We all deal with guilt at different times in our lives. It is either real or imagined, legitimate or illegitimate but nonetheless demands our attention and resolution. Real or legitimate guilt is the consequential emotional response to the conviction that one has committed an act that violates his or her values, conscience or a law. When a wrong act is actually committed, guilt becomes nature's law enforcement agent issuing you with a ticket for your day in court.

When one is confronted with feelings of guilt under such circumstances of doing a wrong act, that guilt is legitimate that needs to be addressed and reconciled. The proper way to deal with this kind of guilt is not to deny it, suppress it or try to cover up the wrong act or to rationalize or justify one's action. Effective resolution requires an acknowledgement of the violation and the wrongness of the act, taking responsibility for one's action, demonstrating genuine remorse, making restitution where applicable, asking the forgiveness of the one violated, forgiving yourself, making reconciliation as necessary and choosing not to walk that road again. Your case in court has been disposed of and that guilt is no longer valid. If this guilt comes back to haunt you, do not acknowledge it or entertain it in any fashion. You have already had your day in court and the charges are no longer against you. Move on!

There is another kind of guilt that traumatizes many people to the extent that might drive some to the brink of insanity. They have no real convictions of actual wrongs committed yet they go about blaming themselves for imagined wrongs they have done. This is a common problem suffered by many individuals with a neurotic mental health disorder. This false sense of guilt keeps its victims in a constant state of anxiety and doom. They cannot accept forgiveness and they cannot forgive themselves and as an extention, they cannot truly forgive others also. They are very difficult to live with, walk around under a dark cloud, hypersensitive and tend to bring a chill into any room into which they enter. Those who suffer from this chronic disorder may do well to seek the clinical help of mental health professionals to free themselves from this bondage.

The spiritual implication of guilt is that God forgives the sinner who willingly accepts such forgiveness, repents of sin and chooses to no longer walk in its path. When He forgives the sinner, He removes the guilt of sin and frees one from the condemnation that comes packaged with every sin. There is no need to carry around the weighty baggage of guilt when forgiveness and reconciliation are so freely available to those who desire to walk in true freedom.

Is Anger Ever Justified?

by Lester Rennard

Anger is one of the strongest and most potentially dangerous emotions that anyone of us mortals is capable of expressing. Whether one is a saint or sinner, the reality and legitimacy of anger as a human response to feelings of hurt, betrayal and other negative life circumstances and experiences cannot be denied.

By itself, anger is a normal human emotion, just as love is, that is neither good nor bad. What determines whether anger is good or evil is the way in which it is manisfested or expressed. When the expression of anger is displayed in a manner that results in negative consequences, such anger can be described as evil. Anger expressed non-violently that condemns and draws attention to the perpetration of injustice and demands fairness, impartiality and equality, is a positive expression of that emotion that merits being considered as good.

The New Testament biblical writer, Paul, admonishes his readers to be angry but to avoid sinning in the process. The Old Testament Solomon in his Proverbs declared that anger rests in the bosom of fools. Although appearing contradictory, both writers and statements are actually in sync rather than in disharmony. They reflect the expression of anger as a legimitate emotion that needs to be controlled rather than allowed to exert control over the one from whom it finds expression. It means that one must be in control of his or her anger otherwise anger will usurp control and seek to dominate ones life and behavior.

Jesus, the ultimate model of perfect human behavior, expressed anger appropriately. He never expressed it in defense of self or for any self-serving reason. He saw the money changers and other merchants abusing the defenseless, wretched but obedient sinners who were coming to the temple in obedience to the requirements of the law but were being fleeced by the powerful and self-serving leaders. He challenged these leaders, upset their trade and drove them out of the temple declaring that His Father's house was a house of prayer for all people but they had turned it into a den of thieves. He was expressing anger against injustice and in defense of righteousness and the vindication of God's name and purpose for those who were seeking His grace and favor.

Individuals who have experienced abuse of any kind especially during the early years of their childhood often walk around as ticking time bombs with the fuse already lit ready to explode in anger at anything that triggers their sordid memories, experiences and association of the abuse they suffered. The manner in which they express their anger is not usually positive. They are unfortunately controlled by anger and resentment against the individuals and systems that destroyed their innocence and made their lives to be living nightmares that they just cannot seem to wakeup out of and find relief. Do such individuals have justified reasons to be angry? I will propose unreservedly that they do have justification for their anger. What I will not justify however, is such legitimate anger that expresses itself in violent and self-destructive ways.

Those who find themselves struggling with anger resulting from unresolved memories of abuse and are religious often complicate their issues with feelings of guilt. They are told that as Christians they cannot be angry and be spiritual at the same time. When they find themselves angry they feel guilty that they are being unspiritual and go through a roller coaster cycle of emotions that may sometimes plunge them into depression. Well meaning but uninformed fellow Christians may further exacerbate their pains by reinforcing what they interpret as the incongruity of the existence of anger and spirituality coexisting in the same human soul.

It is healthy and redeeming for individuals struggling with anger resulting from unresolved issues of abuse to not seek to deny the anger but to acknowledge it as a legitimate and justified emotion that must be reconciled. The fact that one may be a Christian should not negate or deny the issue of such legitimate anger. Spirituality does not automatically erase anger or insulate us from our expressions of legitimate emotions. Authentic spirituality however, will help us to face the reality of all our issues, including anger, and provide us with the tools to ultimately find resolution, reconciliation and healing.

A person who is a Christian and struggling with legitimate anger has a source of help that the unspiritual may not have to positively deal with anger. The spiritual person has divine resources at his or her disposal to aid in their struggle for freedom from the bondage of unresolved anger. After acknowledging legitimate anger, such an individual will move on to finding resolution by facing the real issues that are at the base of their anger. After coming to grips with the facts of the issues, they will then reconcile issues of ownership, responsibility, restitution and accountability in regard to the injustice they suffered. To find healing and freedom, they will move into forgiveness which includes forgiving the perpetrators at whose hands they suffered, forgiving themselves and forgiving God where they felt He did nothing to shield them from the injustice.

The final step in releasing and defusing the time bomb of anger without allowing it to explode and do major damage, is to let go of it after all the foregoing steps have been taken. These steps that ultimately lead to healing may require professional help to achieve the desired result. Legitimate anger when resolved and reconciled in positive ways does not lead to sin. The anger that rests in the bosom of fools is that anger, whether legitimate or not, which one refuses to acknowledge, face, forgive, reconcile and let go. It stays in the 'bosom' and eats away at the soul of the individual and leaves him or her as a 'dead carcass' in whom the breath of life continues to exist at a basic survival level. Conclusively, you do have the right to express legitimate anger but do so without allowing it to rest in your bosom and thus control you.

What Makes a House a Home

by Lester Rennard

There is a very big difference between a house and a home that should never be confused. A house is a physical structure that is built of wood, brick, concrete and other like materials. It is designed primarily to provide shelter but oftentimes comes equipped with luxuries that supercede its mission. It is an inanimate object that offers a sense of external security and stability in exchange for its owners' commitment to upkeep.

The value of a house is usually determined by market forces and comparable appraisals. It can be bought and sold and has no intrinsic loyalty to anyone. It can be destroyed by physical forces of nature such as wind, water and fire. For most people, its acquisition and possession create a debt burden and it remains encumbered and subject to repossession until its debt is liquidated.

A house is a shell that encloses a home, provides it a sanctuary and protects it from the elements. A home is a dynamic, living organism that is made up of live individuals sharing life together in a communal setting. It is built upon a foundation of love, acceptance and mutual service to one another. It cannot be bought or sold nor is its value determined by market forces and appraisals but by the moral virtues and spiritual principles to which it subscribes as a unit.

A home provides nurturing and care for those within its intimate circle. It provides an environment for growth, maturity and creative excellence and offers security and hope. When established by a husband and wife who commit their lives and destiny in loyalty to one another, it forms the nucleus for the perpetuation of the human species.

The atmosphere of a house without a home, being inanimate, is stolid. The atmosphere of a home whether abiding under the roof of a house or apartment or any other structure is charged with emotions and continues to be a home even when the house within which it is sheltered may disappear or be lost. A home does not depend on a house to establish its identity. A house without the dynamic dwelling of a home remains empty and will soon lose value and deteriorate.

For those who place greater value and attention on their home, their house remains a valuable, attractive, inviting place and a monument that exudes the love, mutual respect, acceptance and care that reside within the enclosure of its walls. For those who place greater attention and value on their house rather than their home, the house loses value, becomes a place to be avoided and instead of being a shelter and sanctuary descends into becoming a graveyard for the home that soon disintegrates and dies.

The critical question is: Is your house the cradle of a dynamic, loving home marked by mutual respect, care and nurturing or is it a graveyard within which the fabric of your home is being torn apart, disintegrating, dying and soon to be buried?