The Greatest Gift A Girl Desires From Her Mother

by Lester Rennard

If the greatest gift a girl desires from her father is the gift of modeling to her the image and qualities of what constitutes positive maleness and what she should expect in her future relationship with the opposite sex, what then is the greatest gift that she desires of her mother?

Especially during the teen years, the relationship between mother and daughter in many families is sometimes a very difficult one. In having a discussion with one such teen, I was amused as to how she summed up her difficult relationship with her mother in their single parent all female household, "There is just too much estrogen in this house!" How could one realistically dispute her claim when most of the conflicts they experience are usually surrounding issues of unreconciled emotions?

Despite the tensions however that may sometimes exist between mother and daughter, the experience of an overall positive relationship between the two is a blessing for any girl desiring to learn the lessons of womanhood. A girl's concept of femininity can be greatly influenced by the way her mother models such qualities and of which she makes herself an example. Many little girls in their formative years will imitate their mothers and role play the qualities and things they see them do.

A knowledgeable and wise mother will ensure that her own dispositions, actions and qualities will be of a standard that may have positive implications for her daughter. She will be intentional in her modeling of the qualities of what it means to be a woman of grace and virtue. She will demonstrate caring attitudes, self-respect, confidence, fidelity and the value of honesty and truth as vital parts of the foundation upon which she should build her life.

A girl's concept of the role of women in the home and society may also be greatly influenced by her mother's attitude towards such role. Before the advent of the electronic media and the availability of those slick advertising messages targeted toward them, girls would develop most of their female role concepts from their environmental exposure to the significant females in their lives. If their female role models had unhealthy concepts of their own roles and subjected themselves to unhealthy relationships with men, they would most likely be confused about their own roles and expectations in any male-female relationship.

The greatest gift therefore that a mother may give to her daughter is the gift of modeling before her what it means to be a woman of value and virtue. She will help her daughter to understand the roles of a mother and a wife and instill within her the idea that true beauty is not just physical but more so the essence that flows from an unyielding character. By her attitude toward the relationship with her husband, a mother will also be influencing her daughter's attitude toward her own potential future mate. With this reality in mind, it is therefore incumbent upon mothers to ensure that their daughters receive the best modeling from their own examples and dispositions.

The Greatest Gift A Boy Desires From His Mother

by Lester Rennard

We have previously noted that there is a special relationship between a girl and her father that has great impact and influence on how she may relate with and her expectations of men. There is also a special relationship between a mother and son that may indeed influence his perception of women and his eventual choice of a life companion.

For the record, I must state, at this juncture, that it is not absolute that children who grow up to be adults are destined to be influenced in their perceptions and choice of companionship by the relationships and perceptions they have with and of their own parents. There are children who grow up in very dysfunctional homes in which they witness and may themselves be subjects of abuse and yet make the deliberate choice to establish relationships that are opposite to what they experienced. There are also children who grow up in homes that are relatively healthy and functional where they experienced love and acceptance and yet go off into making relationship choices that mirror the very opposite to what they were exposed. What is true is that one is predisposed to replicating in his or her own life choices the experiences they saw modeled in their parents as children. An abused child is predisposed to becoming an abuser itself, since the experience of abuse is its frame of reference.

That being said, we will move on. Without much conscious thought, men are subconsciously attracted to women who are like their mothers. After all, his mother is the first female with whom a boy had to relate. She is the one that gave birth to and nurtured him, and the one female with whom he spent the most formative years of his life. His perceptions of women will be influenced by what she modeled before him. His expectations of a wife in later years will be influenced by how he observed she treated his father. The way she did things as a woman is the way he will subconsciously be expecting that other women will do those same things.

With this knowledge therefore, a mother can offer the greatest gift to her son in properly modeling before him the ingredients that constitute a woman of value. She will impress on him the importance of virtue, self-respect and fidelity as hallmarks of the ideal woman and she will do so by her example moreso than by just words. She will help him to learn to look beyond just the external to focus on the true character of any girl or woman he may be considering for friendship and relationship and not be carried away by the physical appearance of attractiveness alone.

By her devotion to the welfare of her family, she will be instructing him on what to look for when exploring for caring qualities in any female. By her refusal to entertain gossip when approached by other women, she will be modeling to him how to distinguish between a woman who minds her own business and one who is a busybody. Her affectionate and kindly concern and commitment to the relationship with his dad will reinforce in him the nature and disposition of a life partner and what he should expect in the woman with whom he may have as a wife in later years.

This is the greatest gift that a boy desires from his mother - to model what it is to be a true woman, mother and wife. By giving him this gift, she will positively influence his perception and respect for women and the destiny he'll create for himself and his future family in his choice of a life partner to complement him as his equal.

The Greatest Gift A Girl Desires From Her Father

by Lester Rennard

It is believed that the relationship that exists between a father and a daughter has the power to influence the type and quality of relationship she will pursue when she's ready to choose a life's partner in the opposite sex. If this relationship is healthy and positive and serves to meet her emotional needs for affection, affirmation, support and trust, she is placed in a better position to later choose someone who possesses those same traits. If her relationship with her dad is one that is unhealthy, negative and speaks of abuse, she will likely be set up to attract men with abusive tendencies.

If the above claim is true, it behooves fathers to consider seriously the kind of relationship they have with their daughters and to give them a better chance of success in their later relationships with men, provide the best and most positive bonding relationships and memories for them. It is no doubt that father-daughter relationships are very special to a girl as she grows and matures and seeks to find her place in an increasingly cold and harsh world. Her perceptions of men will be influenced by her own experiences with her dad.

If a girl finds her dad to be affectionate and accepting of her and gives her positive attention, she will develop the attitude and expectation of not settling for anything less than positive attention from other males. She will not feel the need to cheapen and barter away her self-esteem and dignity to get the attention of men. The affirmation she is used to receiving from her dad will establish her personal value and whenever anyone else comes along with cheap words and ulterior motives in trying to get her attention for his own self-serving purposes, she will recognize him for what he really is and choose to avoid him.

A girl's level of trust in regard to her dealing with men will also be influenced by how much she was able to trust her dad. If he is trustworthy and dependable, she will seek for those qualities in the men that seek her attention and whenever they are absent, she will not be deceived by any smooth talk. If her experience were one in which she could not trust her dad, she would be confused as to how to trust other men. She may either become too naive and trusting of the wrong types of men thus making herself vulnerable and subject to be used and abused or she may develop the attitude of having zero trust in men in general which sets her up for perpetrating dysfunctional relationships.

The attitude her father has towards and the way he treats her mother, will have far reaching implications for a girl and her expectations of the type of attitude and treatment to expect of a future husband. If he consistently demonstrates love and caring attitudes toward her mother, she will evaluate men on the basis of how loving and caring they are toward her and will not be easily fooled by pretenders. If on the other hand, she is used to seeing her father showing less than tender regard for her mother, she may have difficulty knowing what to expect and how to evaluate men for the positive qualities of love and care that are so vital for any meaningful longterm relationship.

The greatest gift therefore, that a girl desires from her father is the gift of modeling to her the image and qualities of what constitutes positive maleness. He will best accomplish this by the positive healthy relationship of love, acceptance, affection and affirmation that he showers upon her and the love and caring attitudes he demonstrates toward her mother. A father who seeks to offer this greatest of all desirable gifts to his daughter will be helping to build her sense of security, self-worth, self-confidence and trust that will pay dividends, far above anything material, in any future relationship in which she may engage herself with the opposite sex. It will also reinforce within her a better appreciation for the spiritual relationship her heavenly Father wishes to offer and establish with her.

The Greatest Gift A Husband Desires From His Wife

by Lester Rennard

In the previous posting, we established that the greatest gift a wife desires from her husband is to be loved and cherished as the most important individual in his life. In this posting, I would like to suggest what I believe to be the greatest gift a husband desires from his wife and it might not be what some might think it is.

One reason for some of the difficulties and misunderstandings that couples experience in their relationships is that their greatest needs are not all the same. Compounding the problem is the fact that each sex tends to use his/her own natural framework of needs to assume and conclude what he/she considers to be the needs of the other. On one hand, a wife might find it difficult to understand why her husband 'can't get it' when it is so very clear to her. On the other hand, a husband may question the alertness of his wife when she just can't seem to understand what is so clearly logical to him.

A man may enjoy the good meals prepared by his wife especially when it has that special touch signifying that it was prepared with love. Even though it is often said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, yet that is not the greatest gift that a husband may desire from his wife. He may enjoy the bliss of having his physical and emotional needs satisfied but this may never substitute for the satisfaction of that need that outshines all others.

The greatest gift that a husband desires from his wife is the peace and satisfaction of knowing that he is respected, admired, appreciated and valued for whom he is and the contribution he makes to the family. A man may work assiduously to provide for his wife and family. He may be recognized as a hero in the eyes of society and have acquired the best of things for his family, but will generally be most pleased when he knows that he is respected and valued by his wife and family.

When invested with this gift by his wife, a man will move mountains to provide for her and will be inspired to love and cherish her while keeping her close to his heart always. He will prove to be truth the observation that it is in giving that one truly receives. By giving the gift of love and cherishing his wife, a husband receives in return the respect, admiration and appreciation of his wife. This inspires him to give more and the reciprocal cycle becomes self-perpetuated.

A wife will best demonstrate this gift to her husband by accepting the imperfection of his humanity. She will choose to be encouraging and affirming when the vicissitudes of life strike a hard bargain and will just be as supportive when the chips are down as in times when they may be soaring as eagles. She will be careful to never do anything by word or action that may seem to emasculate him or to diminish his manhood even when he himself knows that he may not be operating on all cylinders at a moment in time. In all her endeavors, she will take pleasure in preserving for him this greatest of gifts that he desires, even at times when he might be most undeserving.