How to Find Happiness Without Pursuing It

by Lester Rennard

Happiness becomes elusive and refuses to surrender when aggressively pursued but begs for acceptance from those who in contentment and at peace with themselves, yield to its request to enter their innermost sanctuary. Sounds philosophical ? That's the idea, but my question is, are you in search of happiness and how are you going about trying to find it?

Many people unfortunately spend their lives moving from one relationship to another in search of happiness. There are others who are constantly going after the biggest house in the neighborhood, the flashiest car, the latest gadget and the fanciest outfit all in an effort to find happiness. They reason that if they can find that right person to make them happy, they would be at peace, or if they could just make more money or win the lottery or acquire that special thing that their hearts desire, they would be happy.

The truth is happiness is never found when pursued. One can not find happiness by chasing after it. The more it is chased the more elusive it becomes and when one feels that it is just within arms reach and grabs at it, it disappears. Happiness is a quality that can never be found in anything material or external. It is an internal force that often casts its shadow on the outside. When one chases after happiness, what he or she is actually doing is pursuing the shadow of happiness and that is why it is so elusive. You can not grasp a shadow, it will always elude you.

So to find happiness, one must look for it within oneself. You cannot make another person happy nor can anyone else make you happy. Many marriages and other relationships have fallen along the wayside because someone suffered bitter disappointment after failing to find the happiness they thought they could find in another person. The source of happiness is resident within each of us and it longs to reveal itself to us if we would just look within our own hearts to find it rather than in anything or anyone external. Being at peace with God and one's fellowmen, and living in a state of contentment, one may find that peace that defies understanding that forms the foundation of that inner wellspring of personal happiness.

In personal contentment and peace regardless of what is brewing outside of me, I find my happiness. My happiness is not dependent on the state of my bank account or the turmoils around me over which I have no control. I alone determine whether or not I choose to embrace happiness or allow any external force to rob me of this necessary state of wellbeing. The reality is that I may be affected by forces outside of me such as the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, the loss of a valuable relationship or financial reversals, but the impact these circumstances may have on my happiness is determined by me alone.

Another quality of happiness is that it is magnetic. Just as misery likes company so does happiness like company. A miserable person will usually try to share his or her misery with others who are usually also miserable. A person who has discovered the source of happiness in his or her own soul will naturally desire to share such happiness with another or others who are also relishing in their own self-contained source of happiness.

The happiest and most healthy relationships are between individuals who are each happy in themselves before seeking to make such connections. A person who is single or intimately unattached and unhappy will be just as unhappy if he or she were to become involved in a relationship or marriage. The goal is to find your own happiness before seeking a relationship with another; otherwise you may be tempted to want to make that individual responsible for your happiness - an impossible feat.

So, for a word of caution, if you have discovered and are basking in the sunshine of your own internal source of happiness and someone desiring to enter into a relationship with you and is attempting to make you responsible for his or her happiness, spread your wings and take flight before you are caged with those wings clipped and you no longer are able to use them.