Finding Freedom In Forgiveness

by Lester Rennard

When you choose to forgive, you make the choice to free yourself from a certain kind of bondage that has dangerous physical, psychological, emotional, mental and spiritual consequences. Those who refuse to forgive and instead hang on to a grudge, are robbing themselves of one of the most emancipating experiences that one could ever have.

Forgiveness on the human level does more for the one at the offering end than the one at the receiving end. Whenever there is an issue existing between two individuals that causes one to feel hurt, betrayed or rejected; it may develop to a point where that individual carries around a feeling of anger, resentment or hatred for the other person who is supposedly responsible for that state of affair. The one who is offended may continue to stew in the emotional pot of a negative disposition toward the offender and by refusing to forgive and let go, may assume that they are punishing the offender. The truth however, is that by holding on to the negative emotions triggered by a refusal to forgive, one is doing more to punish self than the offender.

I have often heard individuals, in counseling, strongly emphasize their refusal to forgive the ones who have hurt them or inflicted the kinds of pains that have disrupted their lives, and share how they do not believe they will ever be able to forgive. It may be from one whose spouse becomes abusive, demanding and finally abandons the family and runs off with another person. On the surface, it would appear that this abandoned spouse has all the right to refuse to forgive that partner who does not deserve forgiveness at all. After all, how could anyone who has any emotion whatsoever expect another to forgive when he or she has been so brutally treated and hurt by such a heartless individual?

Although I will empathize with the one who is hurting and affirm his or her right and need to express their legitimate feelings of hurt and anger in a controlled manner and to grieve their loss, I will never support the idea of ultimately refusing to forgive the offender. When you are hurt by someone and you refuse to forgive that person, you are actually allowing the individual to continue inflicting the pains on you that have caused you so much grief. Forgiveness, when you are at the psychological point of readiness to address it, allows you to let go of the pain and hurt by which you have been afflicted and prepare yourself for ultimate healing and recovery. As long as you refuse to forgive, you continue to live with the very person or situation that you so despise.

Forgiveness brings a freedom to the one offering it that is unequaled by anything else of the like. Because it does more to benefit the innocent party, one may truly and freely forgive without the offender being even aware of your action. The harboring of malice, anger, revenge and resentment creates a negative and stressful life situation that depresses the immune system, heightens blood pressure, causes anxieties and exposes one to all kinds of health problems including stroke, nervous breakdown and cardiovascular problems. The most effective way to deflect the damage that another would want to perpetrate on you is to refuse to embrace the hurt and its negative psychological consequences by choosing to let go of the bitterness by forgiving.

If most of us were consciously aware of the power of forgiveness and the positive benefits that we can derive from it, we would be much more generous and willing to exercise it appropriately. The most effective way to punish and get back at someone who means to hurt you and see you suffer is to deflect the weapons they are attempting to use against you and let them see how you are able to triumph over their ill will. The weapons deflected most often bounce right back at their senders.

In the New Testament biblical Scriptures, Jesus teaches that God willingly forgives sins. In fact, He is more willing to forgive than we are to receive the forgiveness. He also teaches that the extent to which we are willing to forgive others is the extent to which God freely forgives us. If you desire to free yourself from the bondage created by a refusal to forgive, why not break free from the shackles in which you have been bound and take revenge on your aggressor by offering forgiveness and thus rescuing yourself from its grips!?