The Language of Nonverbal Communication

by Lester Rennard

It is a universal truth that communication is more than just words. We have often heard that actions speak louder than words. It is also true that the greater volume of the message we wish to communicate to others is done nonverbally than through what we verbalize. Ladies, without any offense intended, I can hear some men questioning the validity of this statement. Hint - those who think that the women in their lives are gifted with an overabundance of words and even in their sleep they continue to talk??

We all began our process of communicating long before we were ever capable of uttering words. Expectant mothers are convinced that their unborn do communicate with them through their kicking and turning. I am not sure if what they are trying to say is 'get me out of here, it's too dark in here!' or something of the sort. When they are born, they immediately announce their presence with the method of communication they will be using for sometime to come. They want you to become acquainted with their language so that you will know the difference when they say, 'I want my DIAPER CHANGED NOW!' or 'I need to be FED THIS MINUTE!' or 'I am v-e-r-y happy this minute and I just want to p-l-a-y' or 'I want some ATTENTION NOW and I DON'T CARE whether you are in the mood or not; after all, I did not choose to be here, you made that choice for me, so you better RESPOND IMMEDIATELY WHEN I WANT YOU!!'

It is not surprising or unnatural then that we all have a much more developed ability to communicate nonverbally than through verbal speech. Yet, despite this fact, we often fail to capitalize on the use of our most innate method of communication to understand one another. We tend to limit our understanding of others by focusing our attention on the words they speak, yet miss out on the golden opportunity represented by these words, 'a picture is worth a thousand words.' That picture may well be our nonverbal cues.

On another extreme are those who too quickly and often jump to conclusion on the basis of what they observe on the surface. To attempt to arrive at conclusions by body language only may not be adequate enough to get the complete picture; just as it is by trying to hear words only without observing or listening to the nonverbal. The key to effective understanding is the ability to hear the words of others and then interpret them on the basis of what is also being communicated nonverbally. If there is a discrepancy or some attempt to deceive, it will be discerned since there will likely be a conflict observed in the body language that contradicts what is being verbalized (except in those cases where one is a well developed and highly accomplished pathological liar).

When we communicate from the heart, we listen to more than just words. We consider the mood, the tone, the way words are used together, the posture of the one speaking and your own posture while listening. It is even possible to read the nonverbal cues of someone by just reading their written words without the benefit of their physical presence. When couples who are in love are away from each other and may just have the medium of the written word to communicate, they prove this ability by how they are able to decipher meaning and 'hear' the tone of voice and 'observe' body language by the way words are used.

Why not put your ability to the test by reading my body language and tone as you read these words: I AM TIRED! I WANT TO GO TO SLEEP! WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE SO THAT I CAN GET SOME REST!!!? Here's another one for you: I had a very interesting tour along the Atlantic coast of Maine recently. Walking along the shoreline, feeling the sands between my toes, admiring the swarming army of curious seagulls patrolling their territory, watching the waves from the distance coming ashore and hearing the crashing sounds of the breakers as they empty their surfy content right there before me, as I stood gazing at the lighthouse in the distance, gave me a sense of awe and wonder at the beauty and power of the ocean and the majesty of its Creator.